Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
