scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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