Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
