I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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