Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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