Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
