i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
