i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
