All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
