Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
