If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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