i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
