and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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