why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
