The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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