When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
