This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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