I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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