I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
