I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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