I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
