I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
