I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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