He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
