I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
