WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
