Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
