i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
