So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
