I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
