dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
