yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
