I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
