She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
