Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
