I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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