I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
