i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
