My underwear smells like fireworks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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