ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
