do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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