nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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