clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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