I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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