when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
