I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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