I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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