Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
