it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
