Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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