Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
