She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
