I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
