Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
