if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
