I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
