just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
